Thursday, November 26 - 1892   Issue no. 1

Indian Houdini Incident.

War Heading East?

The following announcement was issued at the Foreign Office on Wednesday evening.

‘Owing to the recent development of affairs near the coast of Sri Lanka, labelled by the media as Indian Houdini Incident, Her Majesty’s Government is to send new troops and equipment to India.’

London —Since two aircraft carriers of the Royal Navy carrying advanced military technology and crews totalling in three hundred recruits went missing on Tuesday, our capital’s parliament house has been on full lockdown ordered by Prime Minister Nelson, until yesterday when Minister of Foreign Affairs, Adam Bishop, stepped outside with the aforementioned statement.

Bishop also stated that there is still no further news of the disappearances, and that the diplomats of the Byzantine Empire have once again denied having any knowledge about these incidents. The two other major parties of the Royal Nations, France and Germania, have accepted this act of moving forwards with militarizing new frontiers in the Indian Ocean.

The details of the new regiments are still hushed upon and Prime Minister Nelson has been keeping out of the spotlights lately, but the recruitment offices are actively searching for new recruits. Analysts have already declared that now after nine months of calm the gears of war could once again be shifting in this over five years long confrontation.

New units available

Navy Captain Chris Blackburn estimates that the most critical bay areas of Indian Ocean could be fully remilitarized in less than two weeks’ time after receiving such orders.

This could also include usage of the new state of the art aerial aircraft carriers, the so-called floating cities, or citadels, as advertised for the public, marking a whole new chapter for aerial warfare. The citadels are massive vehicles engineered to carry dozens of aircraft and land units at a time, and can move both at air and sea level.

Famous doll manufacturer gone missing

Fred Grindstone, a local businessman and a philanthropist, famous for his line of porcelain dolls for little girls, has now been confirmed missing since last Monday. He was last seen leaving Maurice’s, a local pub in Newlands Quarters, at about midnight. Mentioning taking a walk in the Henry Moone Park before returning to home, he never arrived at the house, according to Mrs. Grindstone. His unique walking stick with a skull decoration in the handle was found at the park where he presumably walked through. Rumors of an affair have been floating around as his absence from the factories has been more apparent, but at the turn of events, he now has been officially filed missing by his wife. As many know, Mr. Grindstone is about 6’1″ tall and has dark hair and curly mustache. In case of any sightings or information about the whereabouts of Mr. Grindstone or any other information about the case, contact the police. A price may be collected for any information about the whereabouts of Mr. Grindstone.

Our boys fighting the good fight

new kent, africa —Dry savannas and a base camp, the soldiers are collected at the center and preparing their Tactical Mechanical Combat Armors or, as more commonly known, their Steel Nelson’s, nicknamed after our steel-nerved prime minister. Some have been up early and have equipped the armor in advance. “It takes about 20 minutes to suit up,” said one of the soldiers. The two-legged, almost tank-like vehicles are numerous as the new improved units arrived only few days ago. “Before that, our units were barely functioning. It would have been more useful not to use them.” said one of the soldiers while smoking a cigarette inside the machine. The mood is indifferent as if the outcome of the upcoming battle was already known. The machine suits enable the soldiers to endure almost direct gun fire, and to wipe the battlefields clean with their Gatling guns.

As the soldiers finish the preparations and start to advance into the wilderness, I stay back and spectate the clatter of the machines as they march into the battle. “Forward men! For the glory of England!” shouts the commander as they disappear in to the smoke and screams of the battlefield.

Oxford professor claims smog dangerous.

Oxford —Professor Silas Gosling from Oxford University has recently published a report concerning the fog phenomenon that has troubled the largest cities of the United Kingdom lately, claiming that breathing the thick ‘smog’, as he calls it, can be unhealthy on the long run.

Gosling’s report also states that coal and gas used in pretty much everything nowadays, could be partly to blame for it. Especially war economy with all the steam robotics and zeppelins in use could thereof be related to cases of lung diseases that are becoming more and more common. Unfortunately, we have yet been unable to contact professor Gosling concerning his bold allegations.

Unknown pie contest winner

Rustcombe —A contest took place last Tuesday in our murky sister city, Rustcombe. Famous for the numerous automated automaton factories and delicious pies, Rustcombe celebrated the grand opening of another factory by organizing a pie eating contest. Contestants flooded from all the neighbouring towns to win the grand prize of bread for a month. “I have waited and trained for this for the past month,” said one of the contestants with enthusiasm. The eating took place on a long birch table. Three freshly baked pies were placed before each contestant as everyone was getting ready for the inevitable bang of the starting pistol. The crowd roared as the starting pistol puffed smoke in the air. All the contestants started to stuff their mouths with blueberry pie. Suddenly a contestant, unknown to everyone, stood up as he had eaten every pie as everyone else was still starting their seconds. The other contestants could only stare in amazement with bits and pieces of pie falling from their mouths as the unknown victor stood up, collected his prize and left. We could not contact the person for comments after the event. If the winner of the competition is reading this and would like to explain his mysterious behavior, contact Worrington times.

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The demon of Wilshire

Wilshire —Once again there has been new sightings of a big unidentified beast near the old windmill in Wilshire. Farmer Phil Napier’s Monday morning took a turn to the worst when he started gathering his herd of sheep just to find two of them having been killed in a most disturbing fashion, the bite and claw marks referring to a large carnivore of some kind. Mr. Napier’s son William now claims to having heard loud growling and seeing a silhouette of something resembling a hairless bear. “It had claws like scythes and teeth like sharp knives, and as I blinked, it was gone.”, Napier Jr. states. This is now the third time something like this has happened near Wilshire during the last three weeks, and the locals are demanding actions.

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